Paid diagnostic · recommended
Funnel Autopsy
$990 · 7 days
A 7-day teardown of traffic, offer, page, proof, CTA, and follow-up — delivered as a Funnel Scorecard + Loom + ranked repair queue.
Best for
Traffic exists. Conversion math doesn't. You need the ranked leak map.
Includes
- /Full Funnel Scorecard (0–100 + letter grade)
- /Leak map across 6 stages
- /Top 3 money leaks with $ impact bands
- /Prioritized repair queue (S/M/L)
- /Loom walkthrough
- /100% credit toward First Repair (founding)
What you walk away with
- 01
Overall score 0–100 with letter grade
- 02
Leak map across six stages
- 03
Top three money leaks with $ impact bands
- 04
Prioritized repair queue tagged S/M/L
- 05
Baseline snapshot from your analytics
- 06
One blunt verdict line you can act on
Ugly FAQ
The skeptic questions, answered.
Isn't this just another agency with a meaner name?
No catalog of 13 offers. No ad buying. No rebrand packages. We diagnose leaks, rebuild the costly page, and measure lift. If you need a full-service team, we're the wrong hire — on purpose.
Why pay when Lighthouse / Hotjar / ChatGPT are free?
Free tools show symptoms. The Autopsy returns a ranked money-leak map tied to your analytics, spend, and live page — plus a repair queue with effort tags. That's a decision product, not a rewrite prompt.
Will you just recommend more work so you can sell the repair?
The scorecard stands alone. Founding members get 100% autopsy credit toward First Repair within 30 days — so the incentive is to be useful, not to pad the queue. You can DIY the repair list.
What if my traffic is too low to measure lift?
We'll say so. Low-traffic funnels get qualitative repair priorities and a measurement plan for when volume arrives. We won't invent statistical significance you don't have.
Can you be bought — will you soft-pedal bad news?
The brand is the opposite of soft-pedaling. If the offer is the leak, the scorecard says the offer is the leak. Retainers are optional; honesty is the product.
Is this vaporware? Do you have real baselines?
v1 ships with anonymized demo scorecards and a public repair-log format. Named case studies with baseline → intervention → timeframe → method get published as they're permissioned. We don't invent testimonials.
Who qualifies?
SaaS or service businesses with some traffic, leads, or sales calls — and conversion economics that feel broken. Brand-new zero-traffic idea validation is not the fit.
What do you need from me?
URL, analytics access or exports, ad spend snapshot if relevant, and what “success” means in one primary metric. Autopsy turns around in 7 days from complete inputs.